thecosmicmuffinapostle

A Melting Pot of Whatevers

Dear Anna Gumamela,

I have a boyfriend and I love doing the deed with him.  I also love girlie stuff like sexy stilettos and top-of-the-line make-up.  Lately, I am beginning to get confused because I seem to be so fond of this female officemate of mine.  One time, I could not resist, I hugged her from behind.  I like her smell and simplicity.  I want to ask her out for drinks but I am too confused.  Am I a closet lesbian?

è    Doubting Bombshell

Dear Doubting Bombshell,

Can you enjoy licking her, or any other female’s, pussy?  Can you allow her or any other female to lick your genitals and enjoy it?  If you answered yes to any of the preceding questions, you are AC/DC.  Keep me posted.

è    Anna Gumamela

Dear Anna Gumamela,

There’s this guy who bugs me every time he gets drunk, saying sweet things, close to a proposal for a relationship.  When he’s already sober, he ignores me completely.  I like him but it gets me so tired every time he does that.  It’s happened five times in a span of two weeks ever since he got my mobile number!  What do you call him and what do I do with him?

è    Feeling Lambasted Control Freak

Dear Feeling Lambasted Control Freak,

What’s it with you that compels this guy to drink before hitting on you?  Anyhootie…  I asked my friends what they would call him and the answers varied from ‘hayop’ to ‘manggagamit.’  My answer is this: he has no balls, could possibly be one of the ‘torpe’ types; at worst, he could be an alcohol-dependent lunatic who falls into drinking spells and victimizes women every time he gets into one (he could have had other victims prior to you and could possibly be preying on other women minutes after he bugged you).  My advice is that you ignore him completely and cease cultivating your affections until he gets the backbone to face you without the help of Jack Daniel.

è    Anna Gumamela

Dear Anna Gumamela,

I am confused whether I will just let go of this girl or try to win her back.  I said some things I should not have.  I want her.  I want another chance, but my male ego is getting the better of me.  What should I do?

è    Asshole

Dear Asshole,

Forget about your male ego for the mean time.  Go after her!  Apologize first and make sure you’re going to keep your blabbermouth at stealth mode.  If this fails, try, try again.  Then forget her.  Our ego and pride should work like masks.  It is all right to take them off once in a while, but we should never ever throw them away to glorify stupidity.

è    Anna Gumamela

Dear Anna Gumamela,

What is the best thing to do when you are raging mad?

è    Mad Max

Dear Mad Max,

You can either morph into Incredible Hulk or keep your emotions at bay.  I suggest you do the latter.  Keep thinking about the thing that made you mad until you get tired of thinking about it.  Then you will feel that getting mad is a futile exercise.  You will realize that confronting the person or facing the situation would only give you more matters to think about.  If you value your time and your sanity, you’ll dismiss the thought of entertaining rage or holding grudges in the future.  It is so much better to live lightly, smiling happily rather than wasting your time brooding, sulking and monitoring your blood pressure.

è    Anna Gumamela

Dear Anna Gumamela,

How do I get rid of her completely?  (Anna Gumamela’s Note: Full-length letter edited to protect sender’s privacy.)

è    Haunted Lesbo

Dear Haunted Lesbo,

Make yourself invisible or kill her.  Who you are dealing with has supernatural powers, as sensed by my ESP.  It is time you maximize the benefits of your own innate abilities by evaporating every time you catch a glimpse of her.  If this does not work, file a TRO at the nearest court, restraining her from getting near you within a radius of 100m; unless you consider being convicted for murder a much more convenient alternative.

è    Anna Gumamela

Dear Anna Gumamela,

How do I get in touch with you, in case I’ll need some advice?

è    In Case of Emergency

Dear In Case of Emergency,

You may email me at thecosmicmuffinapostle@yahoo.com or send your queries via Friendster messaging.  Do not post your queries on this blog site, lest you want to disclose your true identity.  Do not use the ‘Add a Comment’ link.  Use the ‘Send a Message’ thingy.  As for my mobile phone number, I do not give mobile numbers via satellite or World Wide Web.  Chill!

è    Anna Gumamela

Gumamela (Slightly) Unraveled

“Talking about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.”

–Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil

Full Name: Anna Gumamela Jose Jacinto-Jackman (Whapack!)

Nickname: Aj but I prefer to be called Anna Gumamela

Best thing about my family: No one cares what you do, but when you’re damned, everybody comes to the rescue.

Worst thing about my family: Nobody seems to be running out of opinions.

Best thing about Marilao, Bulacan: Home.

Worst thing about Marilao, Bulacan: Rainy season clogs drainages, making transportation difficult.

Best thing about DLSU-Manila: You can leave your valuables unattended anywhere within, I repeat, within, the campus and you are guaranteed they will not get lost.  (This is way back in 1997-2001; I don’t know if the culture has already changed now that it’s already 2008.)

Worst thing about DLSU-Manila: Its population in the College of Liberal Arts.  If you go to Miguel building, you will be swarmed by elitists and coñotics whose major dialect is Taglish and whose sentences are densely populated by the words ‘it’s like parang.’  It will make you scream like hell and run towards a concrete wall, slam your head hard just to drown their ‘it’s like parangs’ echoing in your mind.  (Again, this is way back in 1997-2001.)

Nature of Work: Plastic bag and scratch paper collector, sideline of sitting in front a PC manipulating a software showcasing a window tapered with magnificent black gridlines set on a white backdrop. (I love my job, except the plastic bag and scratch paper collecting stuff.)

Best thing about my job: You manage your time.

Worst thing about my job: Monotonous.

Best thing about the company I work for:  It’s an asylum of deviants, maniacs, and psychos, with no doctors to sedate anyone.  You meet all the freaks in the world, and have fun with them knowing you belong.

Worst thing about the company I work for:  Some people.  Some maniacs assume I am also one, failing to differentiate me from them. I am merely a psycho-deviant.

Best thing about the Philippines: Climate is very suitable for plants like me.

Worst thing about the Philippines: Bloody elections.

Best thing about the Earth: So many wonderful places to go to, unlike other planets where you would only find rocks and red earth (Mars) or water (Neptune).

Worst thing about the Earth: It seems to be the only living planet in the Solar System.  It would be nice to have neighbors, you know.  J

Whatevers:

Sports I am into: Badminton, table tennis, swimming, kayaking, Kokak Relay Race, Drain the Pool

Sporting partners: Mister Penguin, Jedi Council

Sports I am not into, but I love anyway: Brawling.

Sports celebrities: My officemates Miss SPB and Miss Pancresa; Martina Hingis.

Favorite color: Yellow.

Favorite hang-out: Our house; Obi-Wan’s Cave; Tia Maria’s U.N. Avenue; Starbucks NLEX, Petron-Marilao

Favorite food: Japanese food (From maki rolls to tiramisu!  I love it!); Pasta with white sauce; my mom’s mixed vegetables: carrots, green peas, singkamas, ubod ng buko and quail eggs mixed together, dressed with a thick paste of cooked Nestle cream and other secret spices and ingredients; balut; isaw.

Food I am not going to taste even if given a bribe of $1M: Aso.  Yes, as in dog.

Favorite alcoholic beverages: Absolut (any variant); Cerveza Negra; San Mig Light; San Miguel Draft Beer; Chivas Regal; Gran Matador (Suicidal, suicidal…)

Favorite non-alcoholic beverages: Dutch Mill, natural flavor; distilled water; Yakult

Favorite drinking buddies: The Jedi Council; The Jacinto Saturday Club; office mates who get so animated when intoxicated; Mister Penguin

Best habit: Rationalizing

Worst habit: Smoking and swearing

Fiction characters:  Remedios the Beauty from G.G. Marquez’s One Hundred Years of Solitude; Phoebe Caulfield from J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye; The Chief from Yukio Mishima’s The Sailor who fell from Grace with the Sea; Luca Brasi from Mario Puzo’s The Godfather; Gragnola from Umberto Eco’s The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana; Jacopo Belbo and Casaubon from Umberto Eco’s Foucault’s Pendulum; Anton Chigurgh of No Country For Old Men; Yellow 4, The Dark Prince, and Kenny of Bioman

Actors/Actresses:  Aside from myself, Al Pacino, Jack Nicholson, John Travolta, Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Robert Downey, Jr., Gerard Butler, Ralph Fiennes, Cate Blanchett, Judi Dench

Music Album: Hall and Oates, The Ultimate Collection; The Essential Santana; Andy Williams Moon River Collection

Most-Prized Possessions: My collection of original DVDs, audio CDs, and 1^st Edition Books

Thing I wish I did not buy: Way back in high school, a cassette tape of Death Threat (Punyeta!)

Favorite Song: Wildflower (I don’t know who the hell did the original.)

Most hated music: Air Supply, April Boys, Death Threat (Mapapamura ka sa bwisit.)

Performing Artists: Seen live – Steve Lukather, Nyoy Volante, Bamboo, and Jed Madela; seen on DVD – Michael Buble, Luciano Pavarotti

Major Turn–on: Malagkit na tingin ng mga matang kumukuti-kutitap; look at me that way if you have really tantalizing eyes and I guarantee you, you will be my instant crushee

Major Turn–off: Puppy breath and icky teeth; even if you’re able to give me the ‘malagkit na tingin ng mga matang kumukuti-kutitap,’ it wouldn’t work if your breath brings to mind a weaning puppy and your teeth remind me of Orcs.  (Something I wish to say to a gorgeous guy who has puppy breath and Orc teeth: Have you been neglecting your diet and oral care for decades?!)

Movies where I saw myself: The Aviator; The Godfather I and II; No Country for Old Men; Clueless

Craziest Film I have ever seen: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (One hell of a flick… it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever; it’s not even plausible—but it keeps you glued to your seat!  I like it!!!)

Worst Film I have ever seen: Tasya Fantasya (‘Nyeta.  Kung wala dun sila Jerry Codiñera, malamang eh na-comatose na ako.)

Topic of conversation: Anything under the sun except technology, current events, and history; but if you’ll keep me informed with those waterloos of mine, we’ll manage to shoot the lights out with you talking and talking and talking and I’ll listen until my eardrums bleed like freak.

Strength and Weakness: In no respective order: I have a damn good memory and a big blabbermouth.

Easiest thing to do: To do nothing, leaving things in a torrent of change.

Hardest thing to do: To sincerely forgive someone who has betrayed me.

Worst thing someone has ever said behind my back: Said by this obnoxious guy way back in college, “I know Aj’s bra size by heart.”

Worst thing I have ever said to someone behind his/her back: “I pray one day he will be shattered and a woman will help him pick the shards of his broken self.”

Worst thing someone has ever said to me: “You’re scary.”  (Then again, in some cases, it is better to be feared than to be loved.)

Worst thing I have ever said to someone: “Ayoko sa iyo.  Nakakadiri ka.”

Worst thing I have ever done: Leave a decade-long friend without a word or a trace.  But I do not regret it, so how could it be the worst?

Thing I wish I have not done: Touch lives that, as things turned out, are better left untouched.

Best thing I have said to someone behind his/her back: “He/She is a wonderful person.”

Best thing someone has ever said to me: “I want to grow old with you.”

Best thing I have ever said to someone: “I will love you for the rest of my life.”

Noblest thing I have ever done: I did the right thing even if it almost drove me bonkers.

Thing I wish I could have done: Be a good sister to my younger sib when she was still alive.

More Whatevers:

Define love: It’s what the Italians call the thunderbolt—you get hit by it only once in a lifetime.  All the clichés that are resurrected when someone talks about love (can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t breathe) are true.  Yes, it defies all reasons and logic.  It should be mad, passionate, extraordinary; anything less than that is just a form of temporary insanity.

Crushees: Space provided not enough.  I have billions of them.

First kissee:  Alin, ‘yung may malisya o ‘yung walang malisya?  Hahaha!!!

Last kissee:  Mister Penguin

First love: When you take into consideration my own definition of love as explicitly written above, it’s Mister Penguin.

Do you believe in long engagement: Yes.  It gives you time to prepare yourself, breathe deep before you literally and figuratively take the plunge in a pool called marriage.

Most embarrassing experience, the latest: Laughing my butt off in a public transportation vehicle because of thee letters: MOP.

Greatest achievement: Passing the CPA board exam in November 2001, considering I graduated in September of the same year.

Greatest failure: Not having the balls to take uncalculated risks.  (Note the qualifier, uncalculated, as opposed with calculated.  I have to be always in control and certain of outcomes before I place my bets.  Conclusion: I will never be a good gambler.)

Greatest dream: To be an underworld goddess.

Second greatest dream:  To win the PCSO Lottery multi-million peso jackpot.

Third greatest dream:  To be a sniper.

Thing I would never want to be: To be a spare tire, in every sense of the word.

Second thing I would never want to be: To be a garbage collector.

Third thing I would never want to be: To be a sanitation aide, even if I’ll work in a posh hotel earning Euros.

Best words of wisdom I have ever heard: From Spandau Ballet’s Lifeline: Live and let live and love; live and let die and love.

Worst words of wisdom I have ever heard: A man and a woman can never be good friends without any romance between them.

Worst advice I have given to someone: “Be like me.”

Best advice I could give to people: Set rules and values for yourself.  Create your own laws.  Never live your life after someone else’s.  Be the master of your fate—and embrace it.  (I sound like Nietzsche.  What the hell.  Great minds think alike!)

Photoblog: A Smorgasborg of Idols and Lovers

Idol:  This guy deserves every decent project he can get every time he gets out of rehab.

Idol:  I want to be Anton Chigurgh.

Neither an Idol nor a Lover:  I like The Aviator.  I am an OC creature.

Lover:  Pare, tingnan mo naman ang body!  I am a proud owner of an original video of Someone Like You.

Idol and Lover:  Good actor, great singer, great body, great face.  Complete!

Idol and Lover:  One word:  Mabangis!!!

Lover lang: Katawan at mukha lang ni David Wenham ang gusto ko.  Bwahaha!!!

This is the guy I will marry.

Gawd Almighty!!!

Level One Girl

I consider myself the Level One Girl. You are probably asking what exactly do I mean by that. Here I go.

My reputation to the male population in the office borders between being an autistic-lunatic who has a ghostly aura to a misandrist who doesn’t give a flying fuck about trampling on male ego. I have many, as in hordes, of gorgeous male officemates who are worthy of getting the dreamy look from females, and perhaps a pick-up line or two, but not from me. There are also males who mouth platitudes to girls, and some of them serve me that, but after dropping a line or two, I deliver them an instant cut—no matter how gorgeous or hot they are. Those whom I cannot cut, I avoid by making myself invisible. Yes, I have supernatural powers.

I will not play the role of a hypocrite by trying to project something I am not. I admit I do have crushes even if I am one hell of a committed person.  Most of them are in Hollywood, one in GM Proponents of Artists, Inc. (I think this guy from GM is not only my crush, but my love, my dear, my amore... har-har!), very few in billboards and hordes of nameless, faceless gorgeous males I would never see again for I have merely met them by the cab bay, in the mall, or across the street. I would go further in exposing myself as to admitting that I do have crushes in the office—men I see whenever their shift jives with mine, enough to give me a high by just realizing how genetics can really be a proof of God’s existence (I see those gorgeous male officemates as products of perfectly-matched genes—the hybrid offspring of Mr. and Mrs. Whoever and God permitted the pairing to happen so women will have something nice to look at, aside from fabulous shoes and bags). I have crushes but all of them are good for Level One consumption only.

And what exactly is Level One? It is being content by just seeing the gorgeous guy, not giving room in getting to know him better, building a thick transparent wall that alienates me from him, thus making cultivating deeper emotions impossible. I never go beyond Level One. It is my choice to do so. I believe all committed people are left without any choices but to stay in Level One and stick with that, if they are determined to make their relationships last.

Problem with going beyond Level One, and this is faced by both available and taken creatures, is tending to want more. Say, you see this gorgeous guy. At Level One, you are content with just seeing him and knowing that he is around. He greets you and that gives you a natural high that you jump up and down like a happy pink bunny. You are content with that. You consider the greetings as simply a bonus. Then, something happens. This guy who makes you jump up and down, for a reason you cannot comprehend, asks for your mobile number. Should you give it to him? Let’s say you give him your number. Then, the agony of waiting for his messages or call shall begin to torment you. When you respond to his messages or when you initiate a conversation via SMS and he does not keep his messages coming, you start getting paranoid. You will eventually transform yourself into this manic-depressive human being that is close to someone smitten and hoping to get to Level Three. After Level Three, whatever Level Three has in store for you, and surpassing other levels, you begin to entertain the thought of intimacy or a possible relationship (whichever comes first; intimacy comes first if you are a sexual person). Once you go beyond Level One, you have the impulse to stay in the upper level, not wanting to go back to the lower level. If you cannot stay in the upper level, you either sing “Waiting Game” or you step off the ladder feeling defeated and exhausted. This leveling up is the reason why many women are heart-broken. (Actually, it applies to men as well. But most men are pigs, let’s admit it. Women, being often irrational and have no sense of accountability, tend to brood over things like flirtation and romance. Women always have questions in mind that will have no answers while men tend to go on with their lives as if nothing happened, humming the motto ‘Move on. The ratio of males to females favors men, so why should I stick with one who does not want me?’ Wait, I’m losing my point.) This is an irrefutable fact: leveling up leads to two possible outcomes. Either you end up making the gorgeous guy the constant source of happiness in your life or he ends up as just one of the numerous men who are not meant to stay.

Simply put, leveling up is a risk. Some end up in matrimony.  But if the guy you leveled-up with does not have the same wavelength as you do, that’s just another Armageddon for you. (Getting out of relationships is like experiencing the end of the world. But we always go into one when given the chance because we always hope to find someone who will put an end to the cycle of going through Judgment Days, being hopeless romantics that we are.) What happens to the usual Level One satisfaction you derive? It is gone forever. You will never see that gorgeous guy the same way again as you did when you were still a happy jumping pink bunny.

I am not saying that leveling up is self-flagellation. I am saying that choosing to level-up is a brave decision. One subjects the self to a roller-coaster ride of emotions which poses a lot of confusion even when one is unattached. If it is harmful to those who are not committed, imagine what it can do to those who already are.

For me, leveling up is a no-no, not because I am a coward and I do not want to subject my vulnerable self to the agonies of infidelity. I will not deny that sometimes I, too, no matter how steadfastly I hold on to my Penguin Promise, am tempted to go beyond level one. But one thing I learned from flirting while you are in a relationship is that you have choices whether to turn a blind eye on that temptation or to confront it head on. I wouldn’t say I never considered confronting temptations head on. I did consider that at one point in my life; too much that I even wished I am not committed so I can do whatever I want. I am not a saint, for Christ’s sake. But then, when things were beginning to get murky in my mind, I began to think about hurting the one I love. I wondered then, was that choice a matter of being rational or was it really true love? Falling in love is not a choice. When it hits you, it hits you and you can’t stop it from happening. But when you are already with someone you are comfortable with, someone whom you would not be ashamed of passing gas with, someone you can show your hairy armpits to because you were too lazy to shave, someone who can sit with you all day even if you are stinking like hell and still say that you smell nice, you look gorgeous, and you will always be beautiful in his eyes even if you pass gas, don’t shave, and don’t take a bath, you feel something—that fleeting magical feeling that makes you whisper a prayer and thank God how wonderful living really is—you will choose to drop the temptation and convert yourself to a plant whenever your significant other is not around.

What I have is perfect, in every sense of the word. Being human is a handy excuse when one succumbs to temptations. But believe me, nothing tastes better than a temptation which you decided to not to yield to—that exact moment when you decided to be more than just an animal, to overcome your being just a human and become godly. (Human beings are overrated. We are animals, for God’s sake. Careful. If you do not use my philosophy sparingly, you will be lured to the Dark Side of The Force and become a Sith Lord.) I refuse temptations for the right reason: out of love, respect, and honor to my partner—realizing that hurting him would hurt me twice as much and he cheating on me would definitely drive me insane. There are many other reasons. Define certainty. Define contentment. Define better world. You have to go through what I have been to be able to define those three concepts. Once you are able to define them, you will agree with me in believing that perfect relationships are possible. Not because of chance or a great amount of love. Surely, there are emotions involved in creating a perfect relationship, but if you give it a thorough thinking, reasoning and having the backbone to stand by one’s choices are the ingredients that make perfection in relationships possible. You can create perfect relationships in this generation, no matter how technologically advanced and cynical this world has become, if only you have enough courage to want to make it happen. If you have that, there are two of us. We are not too far from making this planet a Pleasantville.

Most people in our generation are anti-nice, anti-cheerful, anti-goody-goody creatures claiming that being always in the right path is boring and corny. But tell me, what is corny with being nice, cheerful, and goody-goody, always on the right path? Are we not yet sick and tired of too much chaos in this planet that we are seemingly craving for more? (Preachy Gumamela, you would say. But to hell. Those of you who do not want peace and serenity are those who have never experienced a tremendous amount of love or pain.) Or are we just too bombarded by self-demeaning ideologies that we camouflage our cowardice with cynicism? Having no history can be boring, but boredom is a phase we all go through no matter what we do or where we are. Think about it.

Life without ‘spices,’ spices as people in the office call infidelity, is dull. But do you really need ‘spices’ to enjoy life? Do you really need that to be able to say you are living life at its fullest? It is true, we only live once and we should sometimes take the road less taken to be able to know who we really are. But in exceptional cases, it is better to take the safe road and lose the experience you may gain on the other bend than risk something you know you will only find once in a lifetime. Frankly put, those who cannot stay in Level One are those who are just looking for excitement, stuck in their stagnant relationships that they overlook the fact that the magic word is contentment. Words of wisdom from Mister Penguin, when we were beginning to treat each other like furniture and I was beginning to complain about it: “Sometimes you think the magic is gone, but it is still there. You just have to stick your hand in the hat and look for the bunny.”

Yet still, I have always wanted the idea of keeping numerous males, aside from Mister Penguin, who are nice to look at, whose presence alone is enough to send me catapulting to cloud nine, someone distant, and someone I cannot have, someone meant to be an icon, to be revered and not to be touched. In real life, it is impossible to have this ‘icon cum All Spark’ that’s why I undoubtedly prefer my crushes in Hollywood over my ‘tangible’ crushes. Hollywood hunks are forever there and they will always give women a good day when one had a bantering from her boss and her partner is not around that there is no one to vent the high blood pressure to. (Mister Penguin is mostly out of town on weekdays due to unpredictable work schedule. I like it when he goes away. It allows me to have dates with Hugh Jackman, Al Pacino, Bruce Willis, Liam Neeson, Edward Norton, Gerard Butler, etc al. I just have to turn on the television and DVD player and voila… romance. Yes, romance, even if I’m seeing The Jackal because I feel that Bruce Willis and I have this certain connection.) The wonders of Hollywood guys: Natural high minus the emotional, psychological, and spiritual torture—minus the risks. 100% satisfaction guaranteed.

An anecdote:

On a smoking session with my cubicle-mate Mike, he asked me, “What if someone who looks like Hugh Jackman approaches you and courts you?”

I replied, “Just a look-alike? He’ll get a direct cut. He has to be Hugh Jackman.”

“That will never happen, but okay. Let’s say it’s Hugh Jackman,” he said, modifying the situation.

“Hmmm… Hugh Jackman for a one-night stand, definitely! But for a lifetime companion, no one beats the Penguin.”

“What would the Penguin say with a one night stand with Wolverine?”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. I wouldn’t mind as well if he sleeps with Liv Tyler one time. But if it’s going to happen twice, I swear to God I’ll kill her.”

Then we both stubbed out our cigarettes and resumed to work mode.

It is always nice to close musings with words of conviction. This might not be the most brilliant thing you will read in your entire life, but I suggest you give it a thought.

It takes courage to face the hurt and pains relationships have to offer, courage to create a lasting relationship, ward off temptations, and stick with the relationship, keep the music playing, as the song suggests. But it only takes one thing to destroy one sure means to making this world a better place to live in: to be simply human.

Parthenogenesis Reread

  I made this jpg file of Neruda's Parthenogenesis to rectify the layout error in my previous blog entry featuring a Promil Kid.

Parthenogenesis, aka asexual reproduction, occurs in several types of species including bees, wasps, aphids, some fish, rarely with birds and sharks, but most common in plants.

Who dreams of becoming a plant?

Anna Gumamela.

Ciao.  I hate it when I am beginning to write and somebody calls me, compels me to go home.  I HATE IT.

Sangkatutaaaaak na Survey!!! (Pamatay-Oras)

THE UNCOMFORTABLE SURVEY.
(lets see if you can get through it. If not, you're too scared about your past)

-Longest relationship?
Four years, two months and eight days.

-Shortest relationship:
Six months?

- Have you ever thought that you were going to marry the person you were dating?
Ngayon lang.  Palagay ko.

- Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?
Yewk.  Cheesy.  Yes.

-Have you ever made a gf/bf cry?
Yep.

-Have you ever been cheated by your gf/bf?
Yep.

- Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Yep.

- Talk to any of your exes?
Never.

- If you could go back in time and change things to where you could still be with one of ur exes would you?
I don’t like any of my exes so they should be gone forever, annihilated.  Har-har!

- Think any of your ex's feel the same way?
Maybe.  I was a monster.

-Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
Ngayon?  Palagay ko.

-Have you dated people who were not good to you?
Mga kriminal o mga potential rapists?  Palagay ko hindi naman.

-Have you dated someone older than you?
Yep.

- Younger ?
No.

-Do you regret anything that you have done with a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Yes, meron din sa mga exes.

Forty Secrets About Yourself. Be honest no matter what. (40 daw?! di
naman e!)

from whom was your last text from?
-parang mahilig ka sa from…  from Mister P.

[Two] Where was your primary picture taken at?
- Japan!

[Three] What's your middle initial?
-J

[Four] Your current relationship status?
- In a relationship.  Superb.

[Five] Does your crush(s) like you back?
- I don’t know.

[Six] What is your current mood?
- Sleepy.

[Seven] What's your mom's name?
- Ma. Socorro.  <Whapack!>

[Eight] What color shirt are you wearing?
- Ecru.

[Nine] When was the last time you were drunk?
- March 16, 2008

[Ten] If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
-  Yep.

[Eleven] Have a crazy side?
- Many crazy sides.

[Twelve] Favorite song?
- Wildflower

[Thirteen] Something you do a lot?
- Talk

[Fifteen] Do you wanna see somebody?
- Yes.

[Sixteen] Name someone with the same
birthday as you?
- Steve Buschemi, Leonardo DaVinci

[Seventeen] When was the last time you cried?
- Can’t remember.

[Eighteen] Who would you do anything for?
- For my own survival.

[Nineteen] Who is your idol?
- Umberto Eco

[Twenty] What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex
- Eyes

[Twenty-two] What's your biggest secret?
- You think I’d spill that one out?

[Twenty-three] Where is your ex?
- I don’t know.

[Twenty-four] Favorite movie?
- The Godfather, ‘yung part I and LOTR.

[Twenty-five] Do you still watch kiddy program?
- On DVDs?  Yes!

[Twenty-six] What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
- Nothing
[Twenty-seven] Do you speak any other dialect?
- Martian

[Twenty-eight] What’s your favorite smell?
- Mister Penguin’s fart.

[Twenty-nine] Describe your life in one word, what would it be?
- Fantabulous!

[Thirty-three] What should you be doing?
- Sleeping

[Thirty-eight] Do you act differently around the person you like?
- Pambata lang ‘yon.

[Thirty-nine] What is your natural hair color?
- Brown pag nasisinagan ng araw, pero mukhang itim pag fluorescent light.

[Forty] Who was the last person/s to make you smile?
- Mister Penguin.

1.       Who is in the room with you?
► Mister Penguin

2. who was the last person to text you?
► Mister Penguin

3. Whose house did you last go to?
► Aside from our house, Mister Penguin’s

4. Who was the last person you told that you love him/her and meant it?
► Mister Penguin

* THE WHATS;

5. What was the last thing you ate?
► Strawberry frost

6. What was the last thing you did?
► Surf the net

7 . What color pants are you wearing?
► Black

8. What is the closest item near you that is blue?
► Computer table

9. What are you wearing on your feet?
► Stiletto sandals

10. What instant messaging service do you use?
► Not applicable

11. What is your favorite website?
► Friendster, google, you tube

12. What is your favorite pair of shoes?
► My artwork slippers (shoes nga eh!)

13. What do you wear more: jeans or trackies?
► Nothing. Hahaha!

14. What is the last movie watched?
► Moviehouse: 10000BC; DVD: The Last King of Scotland

15. What do you currently hear right now?
► Bloody band


* THE WHENS;

16. When did you last go to the mall? with whom?
► Last Sunday with Mister Penguin

17. When did you last buy a new pair of pants? with whom?
► Last Christmas with Mister Penguin

18. When did you last take a shower?
► This morning.

* THE WHERES;

20. Where is your phone?
► In my bag.

21. Where is your mom?
► I don’t know.

22. where do you sleep?
► in my room.

23. Where do you shop the most?
► SM City Marilao!!!  <Whapack!>

24 . Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
► Company perks.  Hahaha!!!

25. Where in your house are you?
► Not at home.

26. Where was your default picture taken?
► Sa Japan!  Bioman ako eh!


* THE WHY'S;

27. Why did you fall in love with the one you love or have loved?
► Because he is perfect for me.

28. Why does, basically, half the world have friendster?
► Because people always have the tenacity to be in touch with each other and share trivia to the world.

30. Why did you pick your friendster user name?
► That’s my real name.

31. Why did you pick your background?
► I’m a golf fan.  Used to be.

32. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
► Because I feel good.  His kiss is on my list of the best things in life.

33. when was your last kiss?
► A few seconds ago.

34. with whom?
► Mister Penguin.

1. may niDelete ka ba sa frends mo?
- Meron, pero baka hindi niya alam.  Hahaha!!!

2. san ka galing kanina?
- Sa opisina.

3. anu ginawa mo?
- Nagtrabaho.

4. anu nagpatawa sayo?
- Utot ni Mister Penguin.

5. sun smart globe?
- Globe.  Gusto mo ng number?  You wish!

6. anung meron sa buhok mo?
- Alikabok, ipit, kemikal at ano pa.  Pero wala naming kuto.

7. san ka pupunta bukas?
- Sa opisina.

8. sino kasama mo kanina?
- Officemates.

9. umuulan ba jan?
- Mainit nga eh.

10. masaya ba summer mo ngaun?
- Sana.

11. excited ka na ba pumasok?
- Saan?

12. masaya ka ba kahapon?
- Ayos lang.

13. bakit?
- Masaya pala.  Hahaha!!!  Ang dami mo kasing tanong eh.

14. gusto mo roadtrip?
- Yup.

15. san yung hule?
- Sa buong Bulakan.

16. nood tayo sine gusto mo?
- Aiko.

17. eh sayaw?
- Aiko.

18. anung huling kinain mo?
- Daliri.

19. pakapalan na, cute ka ba?
- Mukhang.

20. nagkaron ka na ba ng bulutong?
- Yep.

21. eh ng pigsa?
- Oo, sa pwet!

22. taghiyawat?
- Yep!

23. pano ka kumaen ng burger?
- Nginunguya.

24. pano ka manood ng t.v?
- Nakaupo.

25. kumakanta ka ba habang naliligo?
- Yep!

26. anu nilalaro mo nung bata ka pa?
- Chinese garter

27. nakasunog ka na ba? ng kahit ano?
- Oo, ng bukid.

28. nagnakaw ka na ba?
- Oo ng sulyap at ng sagot sa test paper.

29. pano mo sasabihin sa isang tao na ayaw mo na?
- Aiko.

3o. may dala ka bang bag kanina?
- Meron

31. anung laman?
- Payong, cologne, kikay kit, panyo, yosi.

32. may aso ba kayo?
- Meron

33. pusa?
- Wala

34. sino bespren mo?
- Mister Penguin.

35. tumatawid ka ba kahit naka-go sign?
- Oo para astig.

Photo Blog: The Phantom of the Opera

"Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye...

Remember me once in a while, please promise me you'll try..."

(This is the kind of gown I would like to wear on my wedding day.)

"The music of the night..."

"No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears..."

"Prima donna, first lady of the stage..."

   

"Masquerade, paper faces on parade, masquerade..."

"You will curse the day you did not do all that the Phantom asks of you!!!"

Key to Anna Gumamela’s 20-Item Personality Test

Good days will come your way; you’ll find a brighter day. All I can be and all I want to do is be the one inside the world who finds the key to you. All the promises that never quite came true, I found the way to live again when I found the key to you.

—The Key to You, David Benoit featuring David Pack

Item # 5 points 1 point

1         1           2,3,4

2         1           2,3,4

3         1           2,3,4

4         2           1,3,4

5         3           1,2,4

6         4           1,2,3

7         2           1,3,4

8         2           1,3,4

9         4           1,2,3

10       2            1,3,4

11       3            1,2,4

12       3            1,2,4

13       3            1,2,4

14       3            1,2,4

15       1            2,3,4

16       4            1,2,3

17       1            2,3,4

18       3            1,2,4

19       3            1,2,4

20       2            1,3,4

Sum up points from items 1-20 and read the interpretation.

Note: Should you feel the need to protest against my point system, or should any queries related to my personality test arise, feel free to send me a message or comment on this blog page. Be nice.

100 Brilliant. You are a manic-depressive with MPD, at the very least. Your childhood is as carefree and as rich as anyone could imagine. You ponder on the most trivial things that get on in your way, implying that you have a lot of time to spare. If I tell you that you are on the edge of the rabbit’s fur and not buried deep within it, continuously in awe of the wonders of the world and curious of seeing the one who is pulling the rabbit out of the black hat, you get what I mean without further explanation. Cheers to a good life! Let’s get on with a tea party or better yet, several rounds of Cerveza Negra or Absolut Kurant.

96 Not bad. You got a whopping 95% of the quiz properly figured out, yet you might have missed on one which may be negligible. If this miss is merely attributable to personal preferences (item #s 13, 14, 15 and 19) and not due to a lack of judgment, it simply means that your childhood is not rich enough or that your pastime is bordering on the ‘live for a moment’ scale rather than that which can be likened to permanence or longevity. A round of latte should be in order for you. However, if your miss is a number other than the items explicitly referred to above, give yourself a pat on the back.

20-92 Handy. You belong to the majority of the population, which means that you are mediocre human being living a routine life. A psychiatrist will give you no alarming findings should you decide to consult the expert. You are the type who goes on with the flow and live by the book, as you tend to follow the ‘herd’ and not stand on your own. You are very safe and organized. People belonging to the Brilliant and Not bad strata would probably envy your ordinary life and may want to switch places with you, but not for a long-term basis; yet still, they may persuade you to lose yourself and hit the bottom sometimes—for a change.

POST SCRIPT:  I had a fucking hard time editing this bloody post since this friendster blog page does not support table formatting!  Good god!  I'm bloody late for my date!!!

Traveling and Indispensable Brain Time

Dear Anna Gumamela,

I heard from an authoritative source that you are commuting, via public transportation, your way to and fro your workplace situated in Manila and your residence in Bulacan.  I wonder why entering a dormitory or boarding house has never entered your mind, or driving instead.  Why is that?  Just asking.

Yours in patronage of bootleg DVDs,

Name Withheld Upon Request

Dear Name Withheld Upon Request,

Your source is authoritative indeed, providing you with infallible information on how I manage my Monday to Saturday career activities.  It is true; I commute my way to and fro work via public transportation, the details of which I shall not disclose for security purposes.

Most people may find commuting exhausting, but for me, it is tantamount to brain exercise and finding the meaning of my existence.  You may juxtapose this claim with my write-up in our University Yearbook, Green and White 2000.  Locate my write-up under the College of Business and Economics Section, surnames beginning with the letter J.  (Mister Penguin is also there, under the College of Engineering Section, surnames beginning with T.)

I shall disclose how refreshing and rejuvenating an endeavor commuting becomes for me.  First, let us discuss the travel time.  The approximate travel time is two hours from Bulacan to Manila, multiplied by two (going to Manila and going back to Bulacan) gives me a total of four hours daily travel time, multiplied by six days, a total of twenty-four hours in a week, or 1,248 hours in a year.  Let us say the travel time is reduced by 0.5 every time Mister Penguin fetches me from work.  He fetches me at least twice a month, a reduction of twelve hours in a year.  That gives me 1,236 hours in a year, not considering leaves for absence and other catastrophes which may hinder me from going to work.  1,236 hours in a year is what we shall call my annual disposable brain time—total time which can be allotted for doing anything that requires minimal amount of physical activity but maximum, or at least at par, brain activity.

Given the concept of the annual disposable brain time, we shall now enumerate the possible activities which can be done with that.  We shall call this list the Disposable Brain Time Activity List (very creative, eh?).

1. Reading
2. Listening to music
3. Editing written materials
4. Gathering materials for blogging and/or daily journal
5. Daydreaming
6. Sleeping (yes, this is also a brain activity—brains on stealth mode for recharge)
7. Responding to short messages of friends who are having catharses

I cannot think of other pastimes which are in line with my taste.  Since Anna Gumamela loves reading (she reads an average of 1 novel/book a week), purchases original CDs that are under the 3-day or 7-day return/exchange policy if damaged at least three times a month, writes from time to time, loves to observe and constantly daydreams, has a lot of hours of sleep debt, and has a fair number of friends who are occasionally in danger zone, we shall conclude that this 1,236 annual disposable brain time is not disposable.  Hence, we shall refer to it as Anna Gumamela’s Annual Indispensable Brain Time.  Note that this amount of brain time can only be acquired through traveling via public transportation.  Do not argue that in boarding a room, I may probably gain more indispensable brain time.  It will not be the case, unless I would have to content myself with living in a virtual dump site and eating nothing for breakfast and dinner, and of course, probably, not taking a bath once in a while or neither washing my clothes nor ironing them.  It takes me an eternity to finish my chores and believe me, in my standards, doing the chores poses more burdens for me than commuting every single working day.  (Proof of this need not be disclosed for fear of contempt.)  And, given the concept of indispensable brain time, tell me, how is it possible to drive when driving will take up all of my travel time?  (Yes, driving requires brains, too.  But since most drivers do not realize this while they are gripping the wheel, the number of weekly vehicular accidents will never be equal to zero.)

Well, that is of course the main reason why I will never drive or rent a room.

The minor reason is that when I am away from home, I tend to develop paranoia.  I tried boarding a room way back in college.  Every night, I had to call home to ask how my parents were.  At times when the paranoia got worse, I left everything in the boarding house and commuted back home.  During travel, heavy traffic in McArthur hi-way (not the NLEX, mind you, since I did not know where to ride then) almost always drove me crazy pondering whether a misfortune had already befallen my family causing the traffic to slow down or whether it was something else.  I went nuts when I was away from my family, almost literally.  I feared going home with no one to go home to except a yellow tape which said, POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS whenever I spent the night at the dorm.  It was bloody sickening.  I kept saying, if I don’t go home now and my family dies a bloody death, it would be the end of me.  I would rather die with them than be left alive yet alone and traumatized.

It was an outrageous way of thinking about things, I know.  Up to now, I feel I would still be attacked by temporary insanity should I decide to rent a boarding house.  For a twenty-eight year old adult, this would be deemed not normal by probably half of the population reading this entry.

But tell me, with the daily news bombarding us with massacres and homicides, which is really sick, my attitude or the media?

Yours in awe of the wonders of Quiapo Discotheque,

Anna Gumamela

On The Brink Of...

I know I promised to post the Key to Anna Gumamela's Personality Test, but thing is...  never mind.

Dammit.  The hardest things to talk about are the things that you want to forget because in talking about them, they resurface, making them even harder to forget.

For those of you who think that I am just blabbering my way to get something posted, think again.  If someone talks gibberish, it doesn't mean that s/he is not capable of thinking about something better to write about.  It could be that s/he is suffering from a delusion... or a manic-depressive attack... or whatchamacallit.  Bantering him / her by attacking his / her creativity will trigger the monster in him / her to come out and start tearing your limbs into bits.  You might end up as a pulp.

I am three chapters away from achieving the I-thought-impossible-to-achieve:  reading, cover to cover, Umberto Eco's Foucault's Pendulum.  One hell of a book.  If you like history, encyclopedia, black magic, occultism, numerology and you have a sense of irony and humor to match your liking to the above subjects, read it.  Thank God I delayed reading it for almost a decade, otherwise I would not have the sense in line with Eco's to be able to grasp what he talks about in the book.  It's a parody of history.  Entertaining.  And come to think of it, entertaining is an understatement.  One hell of a magical history tour that leaves you saying, "What the fuck!  Bwahahahahaha!!!"

Meanwhile, Mister Penguin is already brea